The Beautiful Daughter Dispatch

Internal Correspondence, Wikileaks scooped!

What follows is an emall received by a close personal friend of this website, written by a member of the "I'm So Restless" Appreciation Affiliate.  It concerns the We All Knew This Was Gonna Happen Dispatch, herein called by another name.  Names have been changed - thankfully, not to protect the deceased, as in 1,000 Ways To Die, surely one of Sam Puckett's favorite shows - names have been changed to protect the innocent.  Consider it please as written to whom it may concern.

Dear To whom:
My daughter tracked down that review mentioned towards the end of the Sam dispatch.  It was in the November 8, 2008 issue, and here is the quote in full (with a word of explanation first: the review has previously considered the program True Jackson, set in a fashion design firm staffed with "nasty, clueless adults" and proposing that "the adult fashion world is just like high school." )

So, the salient points of the quote in full: "[T]he series's (iCarly, that is) best asset [is] Jennette McCurdy, a fearless 16-year-old actress who ... seems to be channeling a tough-talking 1940s dame from a Preston Sturges comedy.  Put her to work at True Jackson's company, and there'd be no one left standing." 

That last line is crucial, as it points to the football line on which you worked, but which unfortunately did not make the final cut of the Sam dispatch.  You'll remember, it was a list of football players Sam brought to mind - defensive standouts, the qualification you were given went.  The almost final version went "Sam Huff, Night-Train Lane, Chuck Bednarik, Dick Butkus, Alex Karras, Merlin Olson, Michael Strahan, Ray Lewis, Brian Urlacher, and Jerome Harrison."

The reason that line went all pear-shaped:  there's a scene, Sam's birtnday, and at the party a character toasts her by saying that if he were "ever in a fight, and I had either the football team or Sam to back me up, I'm going with Sam."  She transcends football.  That (along with the earlier cited point that Sam's weapon of choice would arguably be a baseball bat) took out the football line.

But consider the idea of Sam in a fight being backed up by the football team, and further imagine Charlie Sheen and a football team.  Sam and a football team would make Charlie Sheen and a football team look like Barney Fife and the Broadway Softball League team from Spiderman, Turn On The Lights! 

Pictures: Jennette McCurdy does fake-vulnerable; Ray Lewis , notorious dyspeptic